After many hours of design and testing, Myself and a crack team of enthusiasts were finally able to make the impossible possible.
Countless hours were spent, painstakingly cracking the genetic code of the keyboard to allow us to splice baked beans directly into the keyboard's DNA, enabling us to make the world's first Baked Bean/ Keyboard hybrid. The bringing of two great hobbies together. With great honour I am able to announce today, The Glorious Bean!
Background of the project
While much of the science will be hidden as this is a patent pending technology, we can share some details on how we were able to make this dream a reality. The first step for us to work out a way of getting the beans into the metal. After many failed attempts, Salvun stumbled upon a method of transmogrifying the beans directly into the metal. This process changed the paradigm which is bean/ keyboard research. From here we were able to increase the strength of the process allowing us to use undiluted bean juice directly spliced with the aluminiums DNA to give us the aerospace grade bean aluminium or Beanuminium (Or beanuinum if you're American).
We began our investigations with Tesco's own brand baked beans, as these as we all know have the worst bean to sauce ratio and worked our way slowly towards the grail of the beanmunity (Bean community) which is Heinz's 1992 baked bean formula. At first we had a high failure rate with this process as the power of the 1992 formula was just too strong for the grade of aluminium used, however Salvun once again realised going from normal coolant to tomato sauce would allow them to be cooled more effectively and thus increasing the yield.
Design of the case
The design of the case has been made with a bean reservoir in mind, enclosing the beans inside the case with a small piece of acrylic to sit over the top, sealing the goodness inside. This allows you to fill the keyboard up with your favourite beans. In testing we have found that the type of beans used changes the case attributes, allowing for much better sound isolation due to inherent resonance cancelling phenomena within the beans and an improved typing experience because of vibration dampening properties. Plus, if you get hungry while at work, you can crack open your board for a fresh serving of your favourite dish.
The keyboard has an 11 degree typing angle. As many of you know, I like it to turn things up to 11 to get that little extra out of my projects.
The only choice for us in terms of side height was to go with a high profile. In testing we lost 32.333 repeating (of course) percent of the beans because of their laminar flow.
What we are offering
The cellular sublimation process turns the whole case orange currently. This is because of the dominant bean molecules which we are putting into the material. We have tried anodising over the orange finish but it just doesn't take, however the bean coating upgrades the case's strength and is now taking the case to 11 on the MOHS scale which is harder than diamond. What can I say... beans strong.
However while testing we were able to look towards other bean products to expand the line. we are able to release a case for those in the super niche coffee community. We thought that we (being the dominant bean community) could give a bit of love to other, smaller communities. This case has had the same process applied as above but instead of baked beans we were able to splice Coffee beans into the case. While the finish may not be as strong, it provides the user with direct contact caffeination which is proven to increase productivity throughout the day.
Pricing and Raffling
The kit will start at the modest price of $834.25 and include a tin of your favourite off the shelf beans (gourmet and artisan beans will not be considered). This is inline with other high end keyboards of this calibre.
The group buy will be limited to ten places. The raffle process will be undertaken via the standard beanmunity method; closest guesses to the number of beans in a standard can of Heinz win. If anyone guesses the number precisely, they will be given our highest honour; the title of head bean. This title will last one calendar year and will require a swearing in ceremony.
The preorder of the Glorious Bean will be limited to the UK (excl. Northern Ireland) making this a GB GB GB. The raffle will begin on 20/04/2021 at high noon.
Commendations from industry leaders
Heinz - A true visionary in the beanology sector Campbells - 5/7 - Bean product of the year! Branston - They are the Tesla of beans Bushs - 10/10 - Would bean again
